Praying

As a Christian, I am called to prayer. To spend time in communication with God, both talking and listening. And I do. Communication is necessary in developing any relationship. I hear from believers that spend hours each day in communion with the Father, just enjoying His presence and hearing from Him. It sounds amazing and I want that in my life. But I don't.

Lately, my prayer life has been more like calling God up on the phone when I want to talk. I have times of praise, supplication, intercession, and even speculation on what is going on in the world. But there is a clear sense of "now I'm going to talk with God" and later a sense of "now I'm done talking to God". At some point in time, it always reverts to me talking to myself instead of this continuous immersion in His presence. I understand that God is always with me, because His word tells me so.

But I want to feel it. I want to see Him, as I hear that other believers do. I know that those who believe without seeing are blessed, but I want it all. It is starting to feel like I'm either excusing a lack of faith or worse, questioning my salvation.

I know that one day I will be in His presence forever. I don't want to wait until heaven to experience it. I am asking Him for that now and will continue to ask until I receive it. I know that He hears every one of my prayers and is faithful to answer in His timing.